The unimaginable happened yesterday, i was forced to take a visit down memory lane in the eyes of my children…
And it got me thinking about my life and the desire to protect my children and i know for sure the lengths i would go to protect my own are not limited.
I would want though first of all to work on my anger i have carried a lot of it from the past and yesterday it all came back to me and i remember crying the whole night wondering why all this is happening all over again why my children have to go through this all over again, are the choices i make for them the best will they still after so many year feel the anger i feel feel betrayed the way i feel….
I would love nothing more than for them to have a lovely playful childish childhood a responsible teenagehood and a prosperous adulthood i know many are the times this things won’t work out the way we want them too and i have come to believe that its really not because of the way we bring up our children but more of what we have bought with us from the past to our homes
So i am on a mission to deal with the demons in my past and finally move on from the anger the pain the betrayal of the past start a clean slate moving forward ensuring that my children when they look at their past they will smile not hide they will be content that mommy did the best and that i know for sure is the best foundation anyone can have.
I know it may be wrong of me to judge my parents after all they are God given their is still a reason why they are my parent and my obligation to them is to love them and respect them.
I have not figured it out yet i don’t expect to figure it out today my childhood was a mess and for me to clean it up will take more than pouring my heart out on my blog but i am willing and ready to take the rack mop and water and clean that mess up not mainly for me but for my children……
Lynn K 